Day Ten: One confession:
This one has me stumped. Trying to live authentically, trying to be as open and honest with people in my life and with myself, means trying to not have things to “confess”. Anything I’ve kept close to the chest, a secret, is something that I’m either not ready to share or possibly not ready to deal with myself just yet.
So, a confession.
If you read my post on turn-offs, you know just why I’m so adverse to smoke. I’ve been exposed to a LOT of it in my life.
I’ve had a fairly bad cough for nearly six months. I’ve tried to ignore it. It didn’t start for any particular reason – no cold or flu, not allergy related. There’s also a spot on my chest – right where my heart is – that HURTS. Maybe the size of a quarter. I’ve tried to ignore these symptoms. I’ve also been very fatigued – chalked it up to stress, etc…
The past two weeks, the cough has gotten worse, as has the pain in my chest. I’ve felt really “off” – not like myself – like there’s something WRONG. Add in more fatigue, some mild dizziness and shortness of breath and…
….I started Googling symptoms of things. (Yes, yes, never a good idea, but I’m not a hypochondriac by a long shot, and I have enough of a science background to read things clearly and objectively regarding medical issues.)
Despite taking myself to the ER yesterday afternoon and the chest x-ray, EKG, and blood work all saying my heart is fine and there is no tumor in my lungs….
…..I’m absolutely terrified I have lung cancer. (Most lung cancers are never caught in early stages because nothing shows up on a chest x-ray until it’s too late to be curable in most cases.)
The ER doc skirted around any conversation I brought up about it yet was insistent I see a pulmonologist this week.
Really hoping there’s a better explanation for everything. The more benign diagnosis would be GERD (look it up), but even that can be a precursor or marker for lung cancer. And I haven’t had any heartburn.
I have an appointment with my GP on Tuesday.
OK, enough navel-gazing. I’ve got papers to write!