Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart:
**This was difficult. I’m not sure anymore that my entire heart can be won by any one person. But these are things that make me take notice and invest my emotional energy.**
1. Pay attention. Notice ME, not who you think/hope/want/expect me to be. Notice what makes me laugh, what makes me smile, what makes me wrinkle my nose. Pay attention to the details – don’t bring me roses when I’ve mentioned tulips are my favorite flowers.
2. Woo me. Just because I’m a dominant woman doesn’t mean I don’t want a guy to TRY. I want to know you want me for me, not just because I identify as dominant (see #1). I want to know how you feel. Write me poetry, leave little notes, do all the silly romantic gestures that let me know you can’t stop thinking about me and want to be with me. I’m a sucker for that shit.
3. Cook well. If a man knows his way around a kitchen and can put together delicious meals of foods I like (please see Day Two of this challenge for more information), if he enjoys trying new foods and learning how to put new dishes together, he’s miles ahead in the fight for my heart already. Bonus if he enjoys cooking together and collaborating to create a meal – while being cooked for and served a delicious meal is awesome, sometimes working and laughing together to make a meal is really fun (whether he gets to eat it at the table or on the floor from my fingers is another story….)
4. Be passionate about something. Have your own interests and skills and pursue them with joy and abandon. This makes you interesting and a better conversationalist.
5. Be a reader. I don’t understand people who don’t have books in their house. There are books in literally every room of my house, including the bathrooms. See Day Two of this challenge for my take on reading. It’s important to me and it’s something I value and enjoy doing. If you can’t talk about books you’ve enjoyed, if it’s easier for you to discuss the plot of a television series than a book, it’s going to be difficult for me to connect with you.
6. Be intelligent. This one always sounds snobby or condescending, but it’s critical for me. If you aren’t at least as intelligent as me, there’s zero chance it will work out. Someone who can hold their own in word games, who can keep up with my vocabulary and conversation, someone who pursues intellectual things of his own choosing – that person will be someone I will enjoy immensely.
7. Know who you are and what you want. Some of this is embedded in other answers, but ultimately, the ones who capture and keep my attention are those that are comfortable in their skin yet are constantly seeking to grow and be better versions of who they are.
8. Desire to submit to me. While I’ve listed this last, it’s one of the more fundamental ways to my heart. Genuinely want to submit to me. Not to get your kinks fulfilled, not to provide wank fodder, not to match some idealized porn version of D/s you have in your head. Want to submit to ME – to make my life easier, to make me happy, to fulfill my needs and wants. Please note this does not mean “offer your submission before we’ve ever met”. Don’t fetishize me, don’t try to push your fantasy on me and “submit” to me before you even know me or understand what that means to me.
This can’t be forced, it’s something that happens almost organically – it’s in his reactions, the flutter of his eyelids, the catch in his breath when I say, “good boy” or give him a task to complete. It’s in his shy smile and downcast eyes when he serves me a meal he’s prepared in a way he knows I like. It’s in the way he lights up and settles into himself when he’s at my feet, when I buckle the collar in place around his neck, when I secure the ropes around his wrists. When we’re responding to each other’s energies in those ways….I melt.