List your kinks.
Another seemingly straightforward question.
According to Wikipedia,
In human sexuality, kinkiness is any unconventional sexual practices, concepts or fantasies. The term derives from the idea of a “bend” (cf. a “kink”) in one’s sexual behaviour, to contrast such behaviour with “straight” or “vanilla” sexual mores and proclivities. The term kink has been claimed by some who practice sexual fetishism as a term or synonym for their practices, indicating a range of sexual and sexualistic practices from playful to sexual objectification and certain paraphilias.
Kink sexual practices go beyond what are considered conventional sexual practices as a means of heightening the intimacy between sexual partners. Some draw a distinction between kink and fetishism, defining the former as enhancing partner intimacy, and the latter as replacing it. Because of its relation to “normal” sexual boundaries, which themselves vary by time and place, the definition of what is and is not kink varies widely as well.
Hmm…not quite so straightforward as most people think. I tend to use the term kink to refer to sexual activities that turn me on and that are outside what general society considers conventional.
At my core, I’m a reaction junkie. If someone I’m with responds to what I’m doing, I’m going to like that thing a heck of a lot more. I think of it like a positive feedback loop. It’s where a lot of the energy exchange happens, for me. I do X, he responds by doing/saying/ Y because he’s turned on, this in turn, turns me on and I do more things like X. Rinse, repeat, ad infinitum.
That being said, there are a few kinks that I’ve found I need to incorporate in my D/s relationship(s) in some way. I’m learning that I don’t need all of these in my peripheral (i.e. non-primary) relationships, but for a primary relationship, I do. These include:
- Bondage (usually rope, but other kinds are fun too)
- Orgasm control (note this is not the same as orgasm denial – I quite like to make/see/feel a man orgasm, but I like it infinitely more when it’s on my terms)
- Control (not total, micromanaging control, but rather me being IN control of all things sexual and most things non-sexual in the relationship)
There are also kinks that I’ve learned I absolutely cannot do. Some I’ve tried and found I just can’t indulge no matter how much they turn on a partner, and some I know I cannot go there for another reason. Nearly everyone lists certain kinks among their “hard limits” that really shouldn’t have to be listed, such as children and animals. Beyond those things, I cannot indulge:
- Age play (whether it’s because I’m a mom and a former teacher or something else, I just can’t do it)
- ABDL (i.e. Adult Baby/Diaper Lover – see reasoning above)
- Toilet play/activities (I have zero desire to pee or shit on anyone. Period.)
- Feminization or “sissy” play (I don’t find being female humiliating. I have no issue with cross-dressers who feel attractive/sexy in women’s garments nor with gender fluid or transgender folks. I simply won’t engage in activities that connect femaleness with humiliation.)
- “Forced” anything (I know “consensual non-consent” is a thing, but I can’t personally wrap my head around it. I need to know my partner is 100% on board with what we’re doing – that he WANTS to do what we’re doing,)
The list of hard limits used to be longer. I’ve found that when I observe people doing something I thought I wouldn’t like and really being turned on by it, that I’m much more open to it. One such activity/kink is needles. I’ve never done needle play myself, but it’s the sort of thing that if a partner I was with was really into, I’d endeavor to learn how to do it safely and be open to exploring.
Stay tuned for day three…