Feedback – and I don’t mean that squawk from the microphone




“First used in 1920 in the electronics sense. Transferred use, “information about the results of a process” is attested by 1955.”

1. A reaction or response to a particular process or activity.

2. Evaluative information derived from such a reaction or response.
(source: feedback. (n.d.). Online Etymology Dictionary. Retrieved September 17, 2015, from website:
image of two heads in silhouette with multiple arrows and speech bubbles pointing at each other


The vast majority of men I’ve known/dated/dominated/fucked are, to put it delicately, absolute crap at providing feedback. Oops, that wasn’t putting it delicately. Ahem.

I’ve grown adept at reading reactions (and lack of reactions), body language, breathing (that little hitch when I make his cock tingle just so), communication (or lack thereof). I’ve had varying success at this but I like to think I’ve gotten fairly good at honing my instincts over the years.

But I really detest being cast in the position of mind-reader and hint-interpreter. Sometimes, let’s face it, hints are utterly wasted on me. I can be amazingly obtuse when it comes to picking up on hints that someone is interested in me, for example. If someone’s not on my radar in that regard, I simply don’t tune in to their frequency and I miss a lot.

I’d become resigned to the fact that most men I know/date/dominate/fuck are simply crap at providing feedback.

And then…something delightfully unexpected happened.

I’ve been getting to know someone new (if you’re my friend on FL you may have picked up on this). And he’s amazingly good at giving me feedback. Specific feedback. Not just feedback in the moment (ooh, Ma’am that made my cock ooze…) but also the next day (when you called me boy it meant a lot to me and made me really happy). It’s not just positive feedback (although there’s a LOT of that), but even the less-positive feedback is expressed in a deferential and ultimately helpful/useful way. And I couldn’t be more delighted with this. It’s made things almost effortless with him. His feedback allows me to fine-tune my approach, my actions. It helps me learn just what buttons to push.  And it reinforces my instincts and interpretations.

It also makes me more aware of giving specific feedback myself. All of which just makes the budding relationship stronger.

He’s had a few significant D/s relationships, but not what I’d call extensive experience in that arena. When I commented that he’s been “well-trained” in the art of providing feedback, his response was a bit bemused – he doesn’t see that as anything special or out of the ordinary. He’s a native of Dublin, Ireland, but I don’t think that’s it, either. I can only surmise it’s just a part of his character and who he is.

It’s made me realize that I really NEED feedback in my D/s relationships.

I think it may be time to update/re-write my Needs and Wants. Stay tuned…

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