Lost and Found

I haven’t blogged lately…lots going on! This is my last semester of PhD coursework and there’s an incredible amount of work to be done. The weather has been insane. And oh yeah…I’m exploring a new relationship with a lovely boy.

If you read his blog, you’ve been awaiting my perspective on things. Let’s get right to it then.

The getting to know JT is proceeding nicely. We’ve deliberately been trying to not rush, to take our time to know each other as people and establish a solid base of friendship before diving too heavily into a D/s dynamic.

That being said, we’ve not held back on the traditional dating activities. Dinner dates, pizza and Netflix, kissing, and yes, even sex.


The last, for JT….was a first.

A lot of people make a big deal about “losing” their virginity. I take issue with that line of thinking. It stems from archaic notions about the value of a woman being defined by her “purity”. Back when a woman was seen as useful only if she could bear offspring and continue the family line. Queen Elizabeth I made it a “thing” back in the 1500s.

From Etymology Online:

virgin (n.)

c.1200, “unmarried or chaste woman noted for religious piety and having a position of reverence in the Church,” from Old French virgine, from Latin virginem (nominative virgo) “maiden, unwedded girl or woman,” also an adj., “fresh, unused,” probably related to virga “young shoot.” For sense evolution, cf. Greek talis “a marriageable girl,” cognate with Latin talea “rod, stick, bar.” Meaning “young woman in a state of inviolate chastity” is recorded from c.1300. Also applied since early 14c. to a chaste man. Meaning “naive or inexperienced person” is attested from 1953. The adj. is recorded from 1550s in the literal sense; figurative sense of “pure, untainted” is attested from c.1300.



Women are taught to “protect” their virginity (don’t get me started on the implications in that statement). Girls are pressured to sign chastity contracts and wear purity rings to symbolize their pledge to wait until marriage to have sex. Books have been written on the subject so I won’t belabor the point. I think you get the idea that I think repressing women’s sexuality is destructive and harmful.






For men, there is a stigma in being a virgin after your teenage years. It’s implied you’re somehow “less of a man” if you haven’t experienced putting your cock into someone’s body and ejaculating there. It’s also been comedy fodder – male virgins are seen as universally accepted targets of bullying and “humor”.




I don’t think for a moment that by having sex with me JT “lost” anything or is any less “pure”. Nor do I think he was naïve prior to having sex with me. I also didn’t see him as less than a man (he’s certainly not a child). It was simply a level of physical intimacy and a specific act he hadn’t yet experienced. Sex is a very natural way to express intimacy between consenting adults. And I happen to like it. A lot.

I was conscious of the fact it was his first time, however. I wanted it to be a positive experience for him. I also wanted it to be fairly free of D/s and kink. I felt it was important that he experience sex for sex’s sake. Establish a baseline, if you will.

The next time we were together sexually….I brought out some toys and rope and much fun was had by all.

It’s a comfortable exploration. We click on a lot of levels (and we were both happy to add sexually to that list of ways in which we click). There’s been a LOT of communication. We both are able to clearly articulate our thoughts and feelings and we’re able to take a longer view of things and think rationally about emotional things as well. That has been incredibly refreshing.

So to recap: JT “lost” his virginity and we both found a sexual partner to explore D/s and kink with. Hooray!


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