Virgin Fetish

I’ve written about the word virginity before – in the context of not liking the term “taking someone’s virginity”. In that post, I was talking about the first definition of the word below:

1. the state of never having had sexual intercourse.
2. the state of being naive, innocent, or inexperienced in a particular context.

This post is about the second definition of virginity up there. I have a fetish for being the person to provide a “virgin experience” for a partner. I didn’t really identify it as a fetish until fairly recently, but looking back, I think it began very early in my sexual explorations. Perhaps as early as making my first boyfriend (me: age 13, him: age 16) cum in his jeans, much to his shock and embarrassment. It definitely had manifested itself by college when I was approached by several friends/casual partners to provide their first penis-in-vagina sexual experience.

For a long while, it lay dormant. Through my first painfully vanilla marriage. Even through my second wildly-kinky marriage. In that marriage, I was the one having “virgin” experiences. We explored so many kinks, and nearly all were a first for me at the time.

As I explored more of the kink world and community, attending classes and demos on a wide variety of kinks, I was able to explore more of what I liked and all of a sudden, I found I was no longer the newbie in the room. That I actually had more experience with some things than people I was meeting. Especially men new to kink and/or D/s. And suddenly, my “virgin fetish” returned with a vengeance.

I enjoy the rush of power in being the FIRST to show someone something new. I take the responsibility seriously – part of me takes inordinate pride in providing a newbie with safety knowledge and a rational, sane approach to whatever activity we’re engaging in, be it rope bondage, D/s protocols, prostate stimulation, or a myriad of other fun and kinky activities. I like knowing that every time my partner engages in said activity, they will remember their FIRST time and remember me. I like leaving that imprint on someone’s mind and psyche.

Now, Susannah, you’re thinking, that sounds awfully arrogant. You’re right – it is. Which is why I think I’ve been a bit reluctant to embrace this fetish, to name it, to embrace it. It’s also why I continue to seek out education for myself even in areas I feel pretty solid in. I’m no rope guru, for example – I have tons still to learn. I hope that attitude helps to balance the arrogance in some measure. I’m also acutely aware of the danger in always seeking out new and different experiences and not being content with current ones. It’s why I go back and practice and perfect techniques and skills with the same person. I want to bring an equal focus and enjoyment of deepening a connection after the first time.

But…that rush of being someone’s first? That look of wonder and joy and sheer meltiness when I introduce them to something new? Unf. Yes, please.

My new partner, K, while coming to me with some kink experiences, has been an absolute joy to introduce to so many more. The best part is he is finding he LOVES things he never thought he would. His openness to trying and embracing new things is frankly, awesome.

I guess you could say that my Virgin Fetish has provided him with several virgin fetishes of his own – first-time experiences with things he is instantly hooked on. And in some cases, is incredibly skilled at.


3 thoughts on “Virgin Fetish

  1. First!
    Just kidding… but I totally have to agree about the power that comes from being someone’s first. No matter what, they will remember you as their “first” (even if that first may not have been their cup of tea). You will be the story they tell other people when the second, third, hundredth time rolls around… it’s leaving an imprint on their life.
    And while you say it is arrogance, I will counter that it is a permissible power trip (and fetish) for a Dominant to have.
    The important thing, I think, to avoid total arrogance, would be to let the firsts come naturally. Not to be the first just because you can, but because this is something that matters to both parties.

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